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Wednesday, March 16th, 2005

Subject:jackknife nosedive
Time:11:39 pm.
Remember Jordan, periods of euphoria must be followed by a comedown.
That new job that made you so happy can make you a bit depressed when you find out its not what you expected.
That new girlfriend you have built up in your mind you will eventually take for granted or perhaps discover is not what you expected.
The slow deterioration of your car and the deterioration of your grandfathers health are facts of life and time.
Such is the nature of humans, never able to find permanent happiness. It is a biological necessity produced by evolution to avoid personal stagnation. I would guess that your current depression is somewhat of a low point on the series of ups and downs in life, caused by the high point you had last month. Maybe your genetics are telling you that you need change, to get out of your rut, but unfortunately you are stalled in essex county, awaiting your term of education incubation to pass.
Personally, I think you are doing the right thing right now, progressing your life as you must. Lets face it, with your consumption habits, saving enough money to attend school would be difficult. consider how difficult it is to score a decent paying job.
Unfortunately you are sacrificing some prime years of your life right now stalled in windsor, but at least once you are done with it you will have a reason for an employer to pay you $20 an hour.
Personally I think our strong friendship is based on our mutual respect, and our apparent inability to ever offend each other. However, there are ways to break even the strongest of friendships. Mainly, fighting over a woman, fighting over borrowed money, and space/time distance.
Oh and hey, if you are stuck without a job in windsor while waiting for your studies to begin again, dont forget to apply to jobs in toronto and ottawa.
You are cunning and well spoken, and intelligent enough to analyze things. you have the potential to easily land better jobs than me, due to my inferior personal skills. You will learn the rules of the game, rules that I am only slowly awakening to with my experiences in the job market.
And you will have a bright future of independence, leisure, companionship, and hot bitches.
Its not far from your grasp now...
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, March 22nd, 2004

Subject:wrinkled raisins of redaction
Time:10:50 am.
Ah the Livejournal. It's like a regular journal, only instead of a place to keep your most intimate thoughts and desires, it's a place to force them upon the entire world.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, October 17th, 2003

Subject:forbidden fruit cocktail
Time:2:41 am.
Mood: ecstatic.
yaha i got a co-op job! here is the job description. i'm not sure how much i'm getting paid yet, but it will be a nice wage i am sure.

Transport Canada has an opening for a Student LAN Administrator to assist the Technical Support Team to meet the internal client, requirements for Transport Canada. Transport Canada has undergone one of the most remarkable transformations of any department in government with our plans to modernize the transportation system for the 21st century. This transformation has been driven by a cohesive set of strategies that included divesting operations, redefining the department’s policy and legislative framework and restructuring the organization. Transport Canada is getting out of operations and focusing on policy development, safety regulation and enforcement, subsidy administration and landlord responsibilities. Safety continues to be our top priority. Our mission is to develop and administer policies, regulations and services for the best possible transportation system. As a LAN Administrator at Transport Canada you will be responsible for: · Providing micro-computer support, i.e. troubleshooting and installing computers, peripherals, hardware and software, in a fully networked environment. · Beta testing of new tools for domain administration. · Assisting LAN administrators with end user support as required. · Assisting with the on-going maintenance of Corporate servers and user workstations. · Assisting with firmware upgrades, problem resolution, replacing parts and upgrading hardware and software as required to meet Transport Canada Standards. · Assisting with the testing and release of Corporate Software. · Assisting with various projects as required. · Consulting with Departmental officers and Technical support staff on methods and procedures for solving computer problems.Knowledge of the following technologies is beneficial: Windows and Windows NT, Microsoft Word, Excel, Access, Networking Concepts Transport Canada offers: · Opportunity for training & development · Opportunity to work as part of a team · Opportunity to work in a continuous learning environment · Opportunity for recognition & reward
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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003

Subject:vapo-rub in your margarine tub
Time:9:34 pm.

K im going to take up my livejournal again. i had a conversation with jordan last night and we reviewed some of our older entries and reflected upon our future and past.

also, beth, how about you start posting in your diary again eh? EH?

so anyways in algebra today i calculated the vector of my cockasoid in relation to ms. malloys anal vertex. i am fucking owned by school right now, midterms and assignments and shit. ugh.

i ranked my co op jobs today, i only have a possibility of getting a job at one of the four i interviewed at. i find out on friday if i got the job.

i smoked 3 people at MSN checkers today. if you want to get fucked up in checkers, message me at fuxored@yourmom.com

i've got this new mp3 player which i love with all my heart. it is the dope shit. i am black. it can record voices, and i am just fucking waiting for some chance to use it in some kind of spy kind of way like in the movies.like maybe the dean of my school turns out to be evil and hes trying to get me kicked out of school or something, then i go talk to him and he wants to expel me and he starts a big speech about how he hates kids and black people and jews and stuff but i record it on my mp3 player and get him fired instead of him expelling me. or else getting someone sayings something embarassing on tape, or whatever. i know since i have it on me all the time i'll eventually get to use it in an interesting situation.

ung, i hate people that are better with computers than me. it annoys me so much. happens all the time at school these days cuz im such a big slacker/video game player. yeah. so anyways, maybe i will post more often from now on.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 18th, 2003

Subject:the golden annointment of sheer disappointment
Time:11:54 am.
"So here it is -- the Final Solution to Almost All Our Problems:
1) A long-term treaty with Russia, arranged by Henry Kissinger, securing Moscow's support of an American invasion, seizure and terminal occupation of all oil-producing countries in the Middle East. This would not only solve the 'energy crisis' and end unemployment immediately by pressing all idle and able-bodied males into service for the invasion/occupation forces... but it would also crank up the economy to a wartime level and give the Federal Government unlimited 'emergency powers.'"

"How long, oh Lord, how long? And how much longer will we have to wait before some high-powered shark with a fistful of answers will finally bring us face-to-face with the ugly question that is already so close to the surface in this country, that sooner or later even politicians will have to cope with it?
Is the democracy worth all the risks and problems that necessarily go with it? Or, would we all be happier by admitting that the whole thing was a lark from the start and now that it hasn't worked out, to hell with it."

Hunter S. Thompson, January 1st 1974
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Monday, January 6th, 2003

Subject:shower from the clocktower
Time:3:09 pm.
Mood: amused.
ever take a short survey and then wonder how they can predict such accurate results from such a short quiz?


EDIT 11/24/2006 - This was a trick, people would go to this site and fill out a bunch of personal questions about their sex life and their identity, and then it would mail me the results.
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Thursday, November 28th, 2002

Subject:selected parts of a conversation
Time:5:52 pm.
Mike: if you wanted to commit suicide, what would you do?
Robyn: let me think about that...
Robyn: i'd probably make some napalm and burn myself to death
Robyn: that would be horrific, yet classy
Mike: i would get drunk and pass out on the train tracks
Robyn: it's kind of metaphorical too: like a candle's flame
Mike: mine is kind of metaphorical too
Robyn: how so?
Mike: going off the rails on a crazy train
Mike: you will be elton johns candle in the wind
Robyn: the metaphor is: "mike is dumb when he's drunk"
Robyn: hahahaha
Mike: i will be ozzys crazy train
Robyn: YES!
Robyn: that is fucking awesome

EDIT - 11/24/2006 - Removed last names
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, September 9th, 2002

Subject:candid conversation
Time:9:19 pm.
CalX20: and then i went to go find a hairdresser
CalX20: and i went into this little mall thing off rideau street but it was empty
CalX20: but there was this haircutting place and there was this 200 year old black woman
CalX20: and i said "mens hair cut $12?"
CalX20: and she said, yes
CalX20: and i said ok
CalX20: and she said the guy who cuts hair isnt there
Beth(AIM): was she really 200
CalX20: and that he would be there in 5 or 10 minutes
CalX20: i dont know im bad at telling black peoples age
CalX20: so anyways
CalX20: i sit down and start reading my book
CalX20: 5 minutes later i look around
CalX20: and i realize that all the photos of haircuts on the walls are of black peoople
Beth(AIM): haha
CalX20: there are no white people at all on the walls
CalX20: so the black lady starts talking on the phone and i sneak out


got a lot done today. got glasses, a haircut, my insurance refund for dental work, sold some books, and played a lot of tekken

also, met andy, got his number. talked to boring adam guy in 8 am class.

some people open their mouth to make a joke or make a statement but what comes out is never funny or interesting whatsoever. this is one of the reasons i tend to be quiet, i dont want to say something banal or stupid.

EDIT - 11/24/2006 - Removed last names
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, September 7th, 2002

Subject:sun-bleached stripes on the big top of banality
Time:11:46 am.
Mood: complacent.
so i went to windsor for the weekend during the summer, to visit my mother and jordan. beth came with me to hang with her friends from michigan. so she told her friend to pick her up a certain time, but then we missed our bus so we came later and her friend, kayzie, came all the way to windsor only to not find us, then go home again.

so anyways on sunday we go to michigan, me, beth, jordan, and kayzies gay brother joe. we listened to madonna on the way there. then when we get there, kayzie and her friend jenny peal off in their car as soon as we arrive, apparently as some kind of devious plot to show beth they are angry with her.

so me and beth and jordan and joe are sitting in their living room, and jordan is eating honey nut cheerios, that i gave him from my moms house. then kayzie comes in and starts explaining that there is no where for me and jordan to stay, even though the house is fucking massive and there are at least 4 couches. then she sees jordan is eating honey nut cheerios, and she flips out. she snatches it out of his hand screaming "what are you doing" or something like that, and then storms out of the room. suddenly she realizes that it is not her families honey nut cheerios and she throws them down on the floor, scattering cheerios all over. i think she yelled fuck and some other words out loudly at this point.

then an argument ensues with her and beth and all them, and at one point she calls beth an idiot for no reason.

during this time me and jordan are watching shitty horror flicks on the tellee. eventually, kayzie comes back in and gives jordan back his cereal, saying something like "here are your BABY SNACKS"

then we went bowling and then some other shit happened, like kayzie critiquing jordans fashion in some misguided attempt to regain some of the dignity she lost when she flipped out earlier. oh and we cruised around michigan listening to madonna at top fucking volume, due to joe's homosexuality. the bitches were enjoying it tho and they were all singing along except beth. so we stopped at a diner and i confiscated the tape so i wouldnt have to hear it any longer.

anyways, that was one of the summer incidents i promised.
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Thursday, September 5th, 2002

Subject:dirt carrots for dust bunnies
Time:4:50 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
today was the first day of school. turns out school is still the same as last year tho! surprise! merry fucking thursday! gg k thx.

except this year i'm broke. which makes things more exciting i guess.

in the news today, it seems that a senate committee appointed to investigate marijuana released their findings. they recommended legalization, controlled selling, and amnesty for those convicted of possession. does this mean marijuana is going to be legal soon? not a fucking chance. american policy still dictates canadian policy, and the americans will respond with economic and political sanctions if canada moves toward legalization.

Calcifer: anyways
Calcifer: im broke
MARK: join the club
Calcifer: is their membership fees?
MARK: ummm...yes
Calcifer: can i be treasurer?

i went to the new SITE building on campus. its the new high tech building at my university that they spent a ton of money to build and took forever to build. inside they have all sorts of colorful poles, walls, weird bars hanging around all over the place, screwy staircases and windows dividing huge cavernous rooms. it looks like some kind of demented chucky cheese. they have a "0" level floor, a "1" level floor, and a "0.5" level floor! i kid you not! 0.5 floor!

anyways, i'll get around to telling you about stuff that happened to me in toronto in later posts, when the mood hits me. for now i will give you a brief overview of my summer and bid you adieu.

went to toronto in may. looked for job for 1.5 months. gave up. got job at burger king. worked at burger king for a month.got job at Canadian Card systems. stuffed envelopes and fed cards into printers 1.5 months. made good money. during the summer months, my lovely gf beth helped feed and clothe me and supply the roof over my head. also, she never said "as long as you are living in my house you will live by my rules" which my parents never could resist saying. we adopted two nice bunnies and had a really nice summer.

anyways, more later.
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Tuesday, July 23rd, 2002

Time:11:34 pm.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, May 6th, 2002

Time:10:05 pm.
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Time:12:53 pm.
well i just got back from the mushroomhead show. i dragged beth along with me, even tho she doesnt like metal. but during the show she seemed to really get into it. afterwards, she said she liked it a lot and told me she wanted to hear more metal, so we've been up listening to slipknot and SOAD and other bands for a while now. im tired tho, so bed soon.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:gristle-clog in the ham juicer
Time:2:50 am.
Mood: mellow.
well, i'm here in toronto. last few days i have just been goofing off, and now its time to get down to the business of finding myself a job. the apartment is nice, but me and beth usually start leaving garbage around immediately after we clean it, so it is usually in some state of disorder.

meh, i dont feel like posting.
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Tuesday, April 30th, 2002

Time:12:36 am.
i am studying today, and taking a test tommorow. my computers boot sector is fux0red.

new jason movie. i love the preview for that movie. "jason got an upgrade!" and "Hes got his machete back!" are some choice quotes. i burst out laughing when i saw him with his new teched out look. dont get me wrong, he looks badass, but its just funny how he keeps coming back and they keep raking in cash with their new gimmicks. jason movies are all about gimmicks. "jason is really dead for good this time!" or "jason in 3d!" or in this case "hi-tech jason in a space ship!". personally, i dont find the pace of the killing fast enough in most horror movies. i want to see body counts in the hundreds. instead of their lame and pathetic attempt at suspense as jason slowly stalks and kills one person at a time, it would be much better if he used his undead badassness to kill 12-15 people in one scene. sort of like a jackie chan movie, except with a machete instead of kung fu.
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Tuesday, April 23rd, 2002

Time:3:55 am.
I haven't read a book in like 2 weeks, because I haven't gone to the library.
I've been reading the paper sometimes tho for the bus ride to school.

I also haven't gotten drunk in at least 2 weeks. I haven't gotten really drunk in a long time. I have intense cravings for beer, sometimes. I also get intense cravings for junk food, and a lot of other things.

EDIT - 11/24/2006 - Entry sanitized so that I would be okay with my mom or employer reading it
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Subject:the humor dial's lowest setting
Time:12:15 am.
Mood: relaxed.
on Wednesday night I was studying for physics, and then Sean my Goth friend messaged me on ICQ and told me he wanted to go out for coffee. so we went to the Tim hortons near my house but it was closed because it was like midnight and it wasn't an all night Tim hortons. so we went walking down by the Ottawa river and it was a very nice night out. we talked for like an hour, sitting on some rocks in front of the water with the honks of hundreds of Canada geese coming from the water. I told him I would come see his band play the next day.

the next day I aced my physics exam, and then went by seans house to drink before the show, but he had already left to go to the bar and set up, despite the free liquor and admission he offered me if I got to his house by 6. which I did. so I went home and used the computer for a while, and then showed up at zaphods where the show was at, at around 10 pm. but seans band was already done. there was a good band by the name of skin dealer, a sort of industrial metal 2 piece band. a drummer, and a singer/guitarist. they were, as I just said, good. good enough to make me download their mp3s which I am currently listening to.

Sean was annoyed that I didn't see his band play, but that's ok because his band sucks anyways. Friday I stayed home and relaxed with my computer. Saturday I met up with Andrew and his stoner friend, Pat, to work on CSI. I couldn't concentrate tho because I was groggy since I only got 8 hours sleep.

I need about 10 hours sleep to function properly for learning. I can write tests on about 6 hours sleep, but I need 10 to be receptive to new ideas. the problem is, I like to stay up about 18 hours in a day. so my ideal day cycle would be 10 + 18 = 28 hours. unfortunately there are only 24 hours in a day, which means I stay up really late and go to school with no sleep.

but anyways, so I was at the cube and groggy. after an hour of learning nothing we went to go get some food.

afterwards, pat began telling me about how you can get high off of drinking enough water, and how a lot of people are addicted to water. at first I thought he was joking with me, because I had read a text file on the Internet about people abusing water. the text file was a joke to make fun of all the FAQs on drugs that are out there, and to spoof those FAQs by pretending water is a drug. while it is true you can get "water intoxication" from drinking too much water, this is similar to being poisoned.

anyways, pat started quoting things I remembered from the text file, about boiling water to make it pure, and about people being addicted to it. I realized that he must have read the joke text file and thought it was actually serious! I couldn't believe it.
here is the text file I am talking about. http://www.psychoactive.com/h2o.html
I asked him if he read the stuff he was talking about in a text file on the Internet. he confirmed this. I tried to tell him the text file was a joke, but he didn't understand, just smiling goofily at me.

anyways, after that I let the conversation drop. we walked past some morons having a water balloon fight, despite the fact that it was cold and windy out. I was cold wearing a shirt, sweatshirt, and jacket. I can imagine they were pretty cold running around soaking wet in t-shirts and shorts.

on Sunday I finally got down to some CSI studying, and today I also studied some. I am almost ready for CSI now, a few more hours and I'll be set.

tomorrow I take my CSI, and the day after tomorrow, im off to Toronto for a few days.

EDIT - 11/24/2006 - Entry sanitized so that I would be okay with my mom or employer reading it
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Monday, April 22nd, 2002

Time:2:44 am.
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual clean- liness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8.Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
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Sunday, April 21st, 2002

Time:7:27 pm.
[18:58] Jordan : ill shoot them in the face
[18:58] CalX20: what, after you take their virginity?
[18:59] Jordan : first ill impress them with my knowledge of soad
[18:59] Jordan : then I will play them some soad on guitar
[19:00] Jordan : then I will "suite" talk them
[19:00] Jordan : remove my gun from its holster
[19:00] Jordan : shoot them in the face
[19:00] Jordan : then their virginity is mine
[19:02] CalX20: it doesn't count if they are dead
[19:02] CalX20: you cant lose your virginity after you are dead
[19:04] CalX20: unless you are undead
[19:05] CalX20: hey would you become a zombie if you had sex with a zombie?
[19:06] CalX20: without a condom I mean
[19:06] Jordan : have you ever seen "dead alive"
[19:06] Jordan : 2 zombies fuck
[19:06] Jordan : and this guy tries to pull them apart
[19:07] Jordan : and the female zombie bites onto the male zombies lowerlip and rips all the skin off of the lower portion of his face
[19:07] Jordan : then a few minutes later she shits out a zombie baby
[19:07] CalX20: ahahah
[19:07] Jordan : and it runs rampant

EDIT - 11/24/2006 - Removed last names
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, April 20th, 2002

Subject:massive otter spill at the oil refinery
Time:8:43 pm.
today is 4/20.
please enjoy your marijuana responsibly.
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LiveJournal for Mike.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.